Is it Time for a Mediator?

Conflict in life is unavoidable.

And conflict can be unnerving, but it is not impossible to navigate.

Actually, it can be worked through quite well, with just a few choice tips at your disposal.

Whether its working through a disagreement with your teen, talking to your spouse, or talking through a situation with someone you know, please read on if you want to know how to do conflict BETTER.

Most of us care about us resolving an issue – very acutely.  And yet, there are circumstances that can make this action more challenging.  For example, what if you’re healing from a physical illness at the same time you are having to deal with conflict resolution?  You may not feel good enough to know how to proceed in a timely manner.

Let’s take that very scenario – physical illness – and use it as an example here.  When you’re unwell, untangling an emotional or situational “mess” can be harder than usual.  You don’t feel your best, and, in fact, you can actually feel a lot more vulnerable.  You need to know that there are steps you can take before trying to work out the conflict in person.

The first step is always to pray and ask Holy Spirit for wisdom, clarity, and guidance.  Ask Him to show you areas where you need to clear your heart.  Forgiveness and a blameless heart are key to proceeding well.

Next, you may need to write a letter, which is the first step in being able to “mediate” a conflict situation.  It may be that you need another person to stand in as you talk out your heart with the other individual or group, but, for now, consider beginning here.

Here is an example of a note that you can write to the person in question that you wish to resolve the issue with, and it can either be delivered or you can paraphrase as you talk on the phone.  It can also just be used as a springboard for when you discuss in person:

“Dear ____________,

How are you?  I wanted to take a moment to reach out to you to see where you are at after we talked last, and to share a bit about what I’m feeling.  You’re really important to me, so this was at the top of my list to do so that the situation can get better as soon as possible.  I am not asking for answers here at this time – again, just sharing.

I am concerned that ___________________

I want to also apologize in advance for those things I said or did that hurt you.  Please forgive me – I know we can work this out.  I haven’t been in touch as soon as or as perfectly as I should have been because I’ve not been feeling my best lately.  Sorry about this! 😦

I’d love to set up a time at your favorite coffee shop to talk to you face-to-face (or wherever else you like).  [set a time that will allow you to recover some health/strength/energy if needed].  Do you have any ideas?

Again, you mean so much to me and I’m looking forward to getting to the other side of this with you as my friend.

With love,


If you would feel like the in-person meeting needs the help of a mediator (someone to be a calming, fair, impartial presence), then you can add this in the letter


Right now, I foresee us being able to go forward in one of two ways:

The first option: schedule to meet with a third person we both trust (how about _____________ (date/time)?

The second option:  get together just you and me and focus on hearing each other out, first, and then talking more.

Thanks  in advance for understanding!

You can text, email, or call me with when works best for us to meet.

I look forward to seeing you,


Now, obviously you’ll need to modify it a bit based on who you’re talking with; some things may not be best worded for your teen/spouse/friend.  You’ll know as you revise it.

When you actually meet with the person, it’s best to keep in mind how you’re going to proceed with the conversation, and set some loving guidelines down ahead of time.  It’s got to be fair for both people.  It’s important that both sides feel safe, respected, and have a chance to be heard, without being interrupted.

A mediator is not always required to solve a conflict, but they can be a very beneficial part of successful conflict mediation when the going gets tangled.

Note, if you are struggling with an illness during a difficult season of life, don’t hesitate to reach out for help.  It’s good to seek health wisdom from those who are trained and certified to best assist you, but it’s equally important to consider natural health solutions and help from those who also affirm your faith.  Health is so integrally connected to our God-given spirit, soul, and body.  For more information, visit, or contact your holistic specialist or physician.